Musings, Thoughts

Do you ever just feel…stuck?

by stickysituation

I am stuck; stuck in my past, stuck in my feelings, stuck in my life. Paralysed by uncertainty. For once I shut a door, it will forever be closed. And that fear of making the wrong decision has started to rule my life. 

I’ve been in this very contemplative mood lately where I think about my life and the people in it so far. Naturally my mind also recalls some of my past relationships – now I am not a person who tends to give up on people to quickly once I have come to care about them. Affection usually doesn’t just simply evaporate into thin air once the relationship is over. I like to keep things very friendly and talk to once good friends or past loves every once in a while just to catch up. I used to pride myself on my (mostly) civil and what I deemed as very mature relationships even after a breakup or growing apart. It is only now that I start to wonder what impact that might have on my life and on my very self under the surface.

The reason I have begun to feel conflicted about this is a rather cliché story about my rather complicated history with men. The phenomenon about to be described can only be properly imagined as a relapse of some sort after a breakup, a desperate attempt to cling to the reality in which the particular person played a role. I am not proud to admit this but like any person sometimes filled to the brim with self-doubt I have “salvaged” a relationship only to see it fall entirely apart again more than once in my lifetime, even though I was well aware of the fact that nothing would probably change. Problems and conflicts usually follow a very clear pattern, one that I have chosen to ignore on numerous occasions.

This is the part where things get messy you see, because I remain friends or on good terms with nearly all of my exes, even after an innocent relapse (or in some cases more). But this regular checking in with each other has started to make moving on a near impossible task for me because it is a constant reminder of their existence and feelings once shared. It is like they all of my exes are the ghosts from my past relationships haunting me whenever I meet someone new. As long as they are a present factor in my life, they will always remain a potential option – the safe option. Especially after a breakup I tend to put my ex on a pedestal – completely disregarding the many factors that led to the breakup in the first place. It’s like I cloud my own memories, the fog misting over my eyes and my better judgement.

I have been going down this road that evidentially leads to nowhere for a long time now and still I continue to put myself in these situations regardless of what it does to me. I am now at a point in my life where I feel like I am spinning around in a circle, doing the same back and forth over and over again. And to be honest, it is taking its toll on me. I feel myself pulling away from new potential partners and going back to the familiar. During the last two months of 2017 I decided to try a detox – no more men, just me. As one can probably gather, that plan flew as quickly out of the window as my attempts to start studying two weeks before exams (lol). From the moment where I started this “cleanse” they just kept texting me!

I talked to a very good friend of mine about this and she said that I stress myself out about all of this too much. And she’s probably right, maybe I am obsessing a little. But something about the whole topic keeps nagging at me. The more I think about it the less sure I am – have I become such a creature of comfort that I stick to the old in fear of the new? Am I missing out because of it? Is this healthy behavior? Only time will tell. All I know now is that I can’t go on living like this forever. I need to make some changes. The question is where to start. Because right now I feel so, so lost.

40 thoughts on “Do you ever just feel…stuck?”

  3. So much YAASSSSSS for this post! I’m in the same situation this week. I kept in contact with an ex thinking we could be friends but having him always there texting and talking just like we did when we were dating was confusing. I couldn’t move on. I finally told him I needed a break from whatever this was and wouldn’t be talking to him anymore. Like I still care about him but didn’t want to be rude and just ghost. It sucks because things will pop up that remind me of him or that I want to tell him but I can’t. In the long run, though, I think it’s best to just shut those doors and lock them. It’s going to be rough but eventually, it will be for the best.

    Stay strong and do what makes you happy! That’s super hard to do, and trust me, I’m living it right this second, but it’s what needs to be done and you’ll be happier for it!

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    1. God, it’s so hard, you got that right. You know, I think you’re right. Pulling the plug is probably the best for both parties involved. I’m sorry you had to go through that IT SUCKS. But I think just writing this post already kind of made me realize how much this was hindering me from moving on. Thanks for sharing your own experience with this, it was kind of reassuring to read that I’m not the only one who’s going through these feelings.

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      1. I definitely used my blog to get all my feelings sorted over him and the situation. It created a lot of clarity in my emotions and helped gain the courage to walk away from it. I hope it does the same for you!!

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  4. I think every change starts with awareness, and it seems like with this post you’re putting it out there that this stressor is something you’re concerned about, want to recognize and alter to be a growth opportunity – and that’s amazing!! Make sure to give yourself credit that you’ve recognized what’s going on rather than shoving it under the rug and letting the ‘stuck’ feeling escalate!

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    1. Thanks for reading, Sarah! As recognizable in the post, I’ve kind of been freaking out about this whole thing so reading your comment was extremely uplifting and comforting at the same time. You should turn that into a profession lol. Thank you again for making me feel a little better about this whole thing!

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  5. I understand exactly how you’re feeling right now. I had been in the same place for quite a while. The part you wrote about putting your ex on a pedestal after the relationship has ended and ignoring all their faults – is so, so relatable. It’s the same thing I kept on doing and sometimes still do, but the way I am trying to move on and leave my past behind is to definitely not contact any of my exes. Maybe just leave them behind for a while, and trust me – there are so many better guys out there in the world who are just waiting for a chance!

    And don’t worry so much – you’ll figure it out soon enough 🙂

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    1. It’s nice to hear that others have gone through this too – it makes me feel understood. When you have to deal with something like this it often feels like you’re the only one. I’ll definitely take your advice to heart and just let the past be. Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. I relate to this SO much and its so hard to deal with. I am still on ‘good terms’ with my ex and he will message like once a month, I have no idea why and I think I’m over it and him but then I’m suddenly back to square one every time he messages! Its hard to know when to say no and I’m still finding the strength to know that I can do it! I hope you’re ok and this post really opened my eyes to know its not just me! X

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    1. GIRL I GET YOU. I am in the exact same situation you are right now and honestly, I’m starting to realize that maybe you can’t stay friends with an ex. Maybe there are just too many feelings involved. Strangely enough just writing about it in this post kind of made me realize how much this whole thing was driving me nuts. It definitely always is a struggle with saying „no“ – I am that kind of person that never wants to be rude or offend anyone. But I think this is a case where I need to put my foot down (and from the sound of it, you should too).

      Thanks for dropping by, I am glad you enjoyed reading! x

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  7. I think you’ve already done an important thing: acknowledgement. Don’t be too hard on yourself, dear. Been there, and I think you also need to loosen up a bit and the rest will follow. Some things really take time. But regardless, I believe in you. I believe in your wisdom. Much love, Fiona 💖 hugs 🌈🌈🌈

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  9. This isn’t a situation I’m familiar with (because I’m like that forever-alone person), but a lot of my close friends have been in this situation, and they say it’s best to let go.
    Now, I don’t know anything about any of that, but I do know that you’re pretty smart, and more mature than a lot of people around your age. So I think you’re going to be absolutely fine. 🙂 ❤

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  10. OH. MY. GOD. I FEEL THIS! I feel this so damn much, it’s almost painfully relatable – looking back on things you tend to look back with rose tinted glasses (i really don’t know why, i think for me it’s kind of a peace of mind thing – I like to think that I’ve had a really nice, happy life so it’s like sometimes I try to gloss over bad memories) or sometimes you ONLY look at the good things, not the bad (like he treated me amazingly BUT you forget how clingy and suffocating he was) so the ex seems like the smart choice; the choice you kind of secretly wish every book heroine would make – go for the guy that’s always been there for you, that you know cares for you! Never works out, though! Great post lovely, I hope you do get some time to yourself xxx

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    1. MIA YOU GET ME. This is exactly what I’m talking about! I think for me it’s a matter of feeling safe. You never know what to expect from a new relationship, they’re unpredictable and I think that scares me. So my messed up mind would rather go back to the safe choice in order to grasp some control of the situation. Glad you enjoyed reading, take care xx

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  11. I think this is a great place to start in regards of writing out your feelings, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “nostalgia is a dirty liar that insists things were better than they seemed” – remember that. I’m horrendous with things like this because I’m nostalgic throughout every single aspect of my life, all I ever want to do is hold on to the past because I trick myself into thinking it was the most wonderful thing in my life, when at the time the only thing I ever wanted to do was get out of it. I think sometimes it can be a mixture of a lot of things, maybe being lonely for one and just taking the easy option – if you go for somebody you’ve already dated, you know what to expect and because you want something, anything at all (and something that’s easily available) you trick yourself into magically only remembering the good things about this person and the time you spent together, we’re all guilty of it I’m sure (I know I definitely am). It’s hard to let go of people but you need to remember that YOU are the most important person here and you need to walk away from things that no longer serve you – “if you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you’ve always got”. Have faith in yourself and know I believe in you!! You can do it xxx

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    1. I’m at a loss for words. Seriously, this helped me so much. THANK YOU.❤ And damn, these quotes are so accurate! You are truly a beautiful person Chloe, inside and out!! And I feel like you’re going to be a really wise grandma one day, I just know it! Thanks for… everything xxx

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  12. Its a really nice post, one that I guess very few people are comfortable sharing, especially the depths of themselves. I see so many replies, and people who have such amazing stuff to provide for you, it does amaze me! I wanted to say that to begin a change within yourself, you need to find the root cause, which through this post I figured you had. Once you find the root cause, try taking different courses and alternate routes to see which works. One of them being able to sort out emotions from logic. The second being able to answer your questions truthfully within yourself. However what generally ends up happening is, the truth sometimes is hard to bear and we end up running away from it with aid of our emotions, but only when we learn to accept the truth can we move on. Accepting the truth doesn’t meant literally in itself, but making a change from then on to better oneself. Your last word on this post reminded me of a video that inspired me and I thought of sharing it with you. Please see it and if possible lemme know how you feel!
    Cheers😄

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    1. I know it took me a while to reply to this, but that was simply because the video you linked is extremely long and… well, I watched it twice. I really have to thank you for introducing me to Les Brown, I truly believe that it has affected the way I view life in general. So THANK YOU, this was exactly what I needed to hear.

      Now on to your advice – I really do appreciate people taking time out of their day not only to read my (sometimes incoherent) thoughts and problems but also to share their own experiences or words of encouragement and advice. It truly means a lot and makes me feel less alone with my thoughts. You definitely got it right that there is a “root cause” as you so nicely put it for the feelings I face presently. Your comment helped me face a lot of hard facts and I do believe that I am learning from this whole period of my life. Thanks again for stopping by and giving such insightful advice!😄

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      1. More than happy to make someone’s day a little brighter! 😄 also I’m glad that you’ve taken a liking to Les Brown, because his speeches are very motivational. Of course your post, the last word of your post fit so snuggly into his focus of the video that I couldn’t resist showing you the video! But I’m glad it was worth it. I didn’t know my words would help to such an extent, but I’m really happy to know that! You can do it, just keep going!😄

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