It is past midnight as I sit snuggled up on my couch, listening to the rain hit the skylights in the living room of my apartment. It makes for a rather beautiful sound, filling up the room, emitting a calmness I have seldomly experienced. The heating is turnt up too high for my usual liking but I enjoy the snugness it brings me right now. My tea, black with a splash of milk, is steaming beside me, patiently waiting for me to take that first sip. The first sip is always the best. It warms you from the inside out, leaving you wanting more. It’s one of the little things I have come to appreciate over the last few months.
Night-time is when I feel most like myself. In all honesty, I don’t know whether or not to attribute that to the fact that I just enjoy solitude or that I oftentimes feel like I have to put up this front during the day. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when it’s light outside. It’s almost like the dark grounds my thoughts and I again. My head can get crowded, especially when I have a lot going on. It takes evenings like these to calm them down again.
Some people don’t unterstand why I value my alone-time so much. Truthfully, I never really feel like explaining myself to them. Let them think I’m anti-social. How do you explain that you draw your strength from solitude to people who draw theirs from social interactions? I tried to do this in the past and they could never fully wrap their heads around it – so I stopped trying to justify my needs.
The rain has now lessened and is tapping on the windows gently. I listen to this new irregular pattern for a while. Gradually, the sound becomes more and more scarce until it disappears completely. My cup now half empty, I put in my headphones and listen to a special playlist I made a while back. It reminds me of home. I close my eyes and just listen until I hear nothing but peacefulness. My thoughts whisked far away, lulled to sleep, my mind gingerly following suit until I find myself drifting off with the winds of the night.