Identity, Musings

I forgot what it feels like to be happy

by stickysituation

Dear friends of the Internet,

there is something so indescribably special about coming out of a rough patch and feeling as though you are seeing the world with new eyes. For the past two months, I have not been in the best place mentally. But last weekend, I woke up one day and simply felt….happy. For the first time in a while I was not dreading the day ahead – I was actually excited for it. I had temporarily forgotten what that felt like and let me tell you: it feels magical.

These past few days I have been in an unusual high. I am proud to announce that I have taken up a new hobby – baking – and one could definitely describe me as ‘somewhat addicted’. I tried my hand at olive bread just a couple of days ago and there was something so therapeutic about kneading the dough, watching it ferment and then being able to taste the final product. Though my family was surprised by this sudden surge of energy, they certainly aren’t complaining …They couldn’t even if they wanted to, I am drowning them in baked goods!

Most importantly, I am starting to find joy in the things I put off due to lack of energy. In times like this I have come to learn that establishing stable, daily routines is even more important when you are in a bad mental space. It forces you to get up in the morning – even if you don’t want to – and slowly started to make me look forward to the next day.

…I guess I just wanted to put it down in writing: I am finally starting to feel like myself again. I have come to see that there is a huge difference between feeling “less bad” and actually feeling something like joy and happiness. These past two months have been an incredible weight on my shoulders, one that is now beginning to lift. That weight will probably be back for a visit in the future but I am trying to stay optimistic.

My point is: mental health is never a straight line. Not only have I learnt to accept this but also how to cope with it. Coming out of a bad spot is never easy – it takes time, willingness and oftentimes a little kick in the butt. Everyone deals with it differently, there is no universal handbook for any of us to follow. We have to figure out what works for us individually.

As mentally draining as set-backs are, I argue that there is a positive to them: they force us to find habits and methods that work for us. They make us more equipped to handle the next rough patch that comes our way.

▷ What is something that instantly puts you in a better mood?

13 thoughts on “I forgot what it feels like to be happy”

  2. Oh, Fiona, you don’t know how happy this makes me :’) Sometimes we read posts on the internet about how people are going through rough times, and we just relate so much and move on, but with your posts my mind automatically goes no!!!!! Like no!!! Let her feel better aaahhh!!! And basically I’m so very glad you’re getting back on track with yourself. It’s a divine feeling and you deserve it.

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    1. Aaahhh I have so much love for you Arshia!!!! Thank you so much for this kind-hearted little message, it made my day :’)

      And oh my god YES I admit that I am definitely guilty of sometimes reading these heart-wrenching posts that I relate to so well… Only to forget that there is actually a real person behind them and simply moving on to the next.

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  3. This is achingly relatable. I’m so glad you’re coming out the other side and feeling better, Fiona. Baking is SUPER therapeutic – not sure if you’re into gardening, but that’s great too! xx

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    1. Mia, I have to thank you for this comment. Because after I read it more than a month ago, I went out to my back yard a couple of days later and planted some vegetables. How very thereputic indeed! So thank you for mentioning gardening because you definitely made me fall in love with it! xx

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  5. This makes me so happy !! It’s always heartbreaking when you’re not yourself, especially when other people are able to notice it. I’m so glad you documented this and that you’re feeling more like yourself again and that you’ve managed to find the positives in it, despite how exhausting and draining it’s been. Sending you lots of love 💗x

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  6. I remember reading a post a few years ago from a girl about how she knew she was doing better when she started dancing and singing in the kitchen again. I cannot remember the exact wording of the post but it was something that she had stopped doing whilst she was under the influence of Depression and it was only when she started doing it again that she realised she had changed her life. And that is something that has stuck with me since then because it is something that I used to do as well: I used to sing and dance and bake in the kitchen every weekend and now I cannot remember the last time I did that. It may be partly because my life has changed in that I have a full-time job and I moved out so I have actual responsibilities at the weekend now but also we should always make time for the things we love. I think I am going to go bake something now and see if I can find the energy to dance and sing along to my favourite song whilst I do that. Thank you for sharing. I am glad things are going better for you and hopefully this feeling lasts as long as possible for you. xx

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    1. This.comment.is.everything!!! Thank you for sharing, Hannah. And thank you for opening up about your own experiences as well. You have no idea how much what you wrote about spoke to me. There is this saying that we only realise what we had once it’s gone. And I think what you wrote about in your comment fits perfectly within that saying. And maybe even more than that – sometimes we don’t even realise what we lost right away. Sometimes it has to come back in order for us to see what we were missing all this time.

      I hope you had fun baking and jamming out to some of your favourite songs! Definitely a perfect combo…. Ah, it’s the little things that just make SUCH a difference! I think we tend to forget that a lot. But little things like dancing and singing in the kitchen can have such an impact on our day – and it is important that we try to hold on to those things, even in the toughest of times! Hope you are doing well, Hannah! Wishing you many happy dance sessions to come. xx

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