#2 Why are you like this?

As I have a few things to share about myself that I view as strange I thought I’ll just make a “series” out of this.

*A special thanks to thi.de on Instagram for letting me use one of his illustrations. Definitely give him a visit, his work is incredible!

This could be tied to the anxiety I sometimes have, but whenever I’m out alone in a city, I often feel as though everyone is staring at me. And it really freaks me out because I constantly ask myself if there’s something wrong with me, like do I have dirt in my face? That’s one of my more rational assumptions, but if it gets bad to the point where I feel like a spectacle, my imagination tends to go wild, maybe even a little insane. I start picturing all of these different scenerios and once I go there, there’s no way out until I find a public bathroom and do a full body check to see if there’s something wrong or if I’m just starting to become paranoid. Normally it’s the latter.

And the things is, I think that it has to do with two things:

a) my anxiety (especially in social situations) and

b) insecurity

And it makes me feel really bad about myself because I feel like an idiot for thinking that everyone is looking at me like I’m a different species. It also makes me question if I’m self-centered because well, I do think everyone is gawking at me; like I’m the center of their attention. When I’m in these kinds of situations, I don’t only think people are observing, but also laughing at me. Whenever someone laughs and I already feel haunted by their stares it doesn’t help if I hear laughing around me. All of this just makes me wonder “Is something wrong with me?” and once you put that question out there, my brain goes overboard on thinking about all the things about me that aren’t perfect.

If anyone has any advice on how to fix my weird.. – jeez I don’t even know what to call them – ..quirks then let me know! Also, if you experience something similar, please let me know so that I know I’m not alone haha😄

This post is kind of linked to my previous Why are you like this? (#1) post in this series because I guess they just show that it freaks me out when I feel like all eyes are on me. The next post is already being written, I’ve been writing a lot lately because writing in advance is my solution to surviving exam season while still staying sane and semi-relaxed.


☀️Hey stranger, I have a question for you:

What’s your favourite flower? (I love sunflowers🌻)

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