What pushes you to write? (2)

For this feature of The Passion Project, Alex from About My Awkward Life shares her reasons for expressing herself through the written word.

Okay so where do I even begin? I’ve been writing since I was maybe 12 and I was going through a really dark time in my life, it was around the time I was really depressed and suicidal and I REALLY just wanted to end it all – just kill myself and never look back. I’d had it all planned, down to the last moment when someone stopped me. I had this counsellor at school who’d found of my artwork (it was kind of a graphic picture – really gory) and she gave me some paper and told me to write down everything I feel.

What can I say, the words just flowed right out of me like a fountain and once I started I couldn’t stop. It just made me feel better to know that it was out. Like the fact that it wasn’t just in my head anymore comforted me and made me feel better.

That’s when I first started a diary. I documented a whole year of my life from the age of mid 12 to 13? and it REALLY helped get through the bad days because it felt like I was sharing them with somebody and I KNEW that nobody could judge me because…well it’s just a piece of paper or a Word document that you’ve opened on your computer which you can delete just as easily as you opened it if you don’t feel comfortable.

It’s actually one of the reasons that I started blogging. It’s why I’m anonymous. It’s so that I can say anything and everything and share my whole life without being so fucking terrified of what people thought of me. I used to care so much about peoples opinions that I even tried to change myself and the way I came across at the beginning stages of my blog (you could probably still see it there lol) Anyway, once I decided to come into my own element and write about whatever I wanted to, I found out that I wasn’t alone at all and a lot of people actually share some of the same issues as I do. I mean, I’ve met some really good friends through this blog who I talk to almost daily and it’s almost like spending time with someone who just gets you completely and I would have NEVER had a chance to find them if it wasn’t from writing. It’s another one of the things I love about writing – it brings people together.

About a year ago I started writing about more than just my life. I started writing about the lives of the made up people in my mind and all of the crazy shit they got up to – I mean for fucks sake, I wrote a whole tv show. I would would say that fiction writing is my favourite thing to do. It really is like escaping to a whole other planet and when you write it, it’s like you’re transporting there and adding little splashes of colour with a paintbrush until its complete and you’ve made a masterpiece. I know it’s so incredibly corny (sorry) but it really is my Utopia. It makes me feel so euphoric and it’s one of the only things in life that makes me truly and utterly happy. I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing – even when I’m old and grey, I’ll still have a story to tell – the paintbrush will always have colours just waiting to be brushed onto that blank canvas and make something beautiful (wow I hope this metaphor isn’t confusing).

I also love reading. When I am reading, it’s like I can flee to a whole new world where everything is different and you forget about real life – even if only for a brief moment. It’s the reason I started writing. I want people to feel the same excitement and freedom that I do when I pick up a good book. I don’t know if I’ll ever be brave enough to share those stories but slowly, each day, I’m becoming more confident in my own skin so you never know! One day, you may see my name on the cover of the next book you read.

I would like to thank Alex for taking the time to write about her own journey with writing! Can you relate to anything she wrote? What have your own experiences with writing been like?

Click here to visit Alex’s blog. 

Ps. If you want to read more of these kind of posts, let me know! If you would like to be featured on The Passion Project, contact me here.