It is past midnight as I sit snuggled up on my couch, listening to the rain hit the skylights in the living room of my apartment. It makes for a rather beautiful sound, filling up the room, emitting a calmness I have seldomly experienced. The heating is turnt up too high for my usual liking but I enjoy the snugness it brings me right now. My tea, black with a splash of milk, is steaming beside me, patiently waiting for me to take that first sip. The first sip is always the best. It warms you from the inside out, leaving you wanting more. It’s one of the little things I have come to appreciate over the last few months.
Night-time is when I feel most like myself. In all honesty, I don’t know whether or not to attribute that to the fact that I just enjoy solitude or that I oftentimes feel like I have to put up this front during the day. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when it’s light outside. It’s almost like the dark grounds my thoughts and I again. My head can get crowded, especially when I have a lot going on. It takes evenings like these to calm them down again.
Some people don’t unterstand why I value my alone-time so much. Truthfully, I never really feel like explaining myself to them. Let them think I’m anti-social. How do you explain that you draw your strength from solitude to people who draw theirs from social interactions? I tried to do this in the past and they could never fully wrap their heads around it – so I stopped trying to justify my needs.
The rain has now lessened and is tapping on the windows gently. I listen to this new irregular pattern for a while. Gradually, the sound becomes more and more scarce until it disappears completely. My cup now half empty, I put in my headphones and listen to a special playlist I made a while back. It reminds me of home. I close my eyes and just listen until I hear nothing but peacefulness. My thoughts whisked far away, lulled to sleep, my mind gingerly following suit until I find myself drifting off with the winds of the night.
Sticky Situation 
I can relate so well… I also draw my strength from solitude.
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Glad to hear I’m not the only one. It sure does feel like it sometimes.
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Oh I relate to this on such another level Fiona! Literally have to sometimes dip and skip out on bar hopping or heading out with my friends after a whole day of being with everyone because I just get overwhelmed by it all and need time by myself. I’m always down for a good time and having a fun night out, but I’d equally take a night in with me, myself and I anyday! x
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This comment sums up my life perfectly. Sometimes it’s just what you need in order to be fully present and happy when you go out with your friends the next time. Happy this resonated with you, Priya xx
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Beautiful post, lovely. I resonate here with your thoughts on the importance of solitude. xx
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Thank you so much, I’m glad it resonated with you! xx
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Night time is when I feel most like myself too. I feel like I can just…be. I definitely feel most comfortable there, which is probably why I’m always awake for all hours of the night. I need time to be myself, with myself. This was beautiful .xx
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“I feel like I can just…be” – YES EXACTLY. Having that alone time, in a way, makes me stay in touch with myself. Thanks Chloe, your words are (as always) appreciated so much xx
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This is so beautifully written. I can definitely relate to getting your strength from being alone – I prefer to be alone at times to recharge. I feel like people do not realize how draining social interaction can be. xx
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Thank you so much, Hannah! You expressed the main message I was trying to convey perfectly, I am glad you can relate. xx
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