The hole

“So, how have you been lately?“, asks one of Elenor’s friends.

Elenor instantly feels her chest tightening – as if a rope were slowly wrapping itself tightly around it – and an alarming sense of uneasiness hitting her.

“Oh you know… I’m good… and you?”, Elenor replies uncomfortably as she looks down at her shoes. She purposefully avoids eye contact. My eyes always give it away, she thinks as she nervously fidgets with the birthday present still glued in her hands.

The truth was that Elenor was feeling far from good. She wasn’t even feeling okay. It had been a bloody battle to even get dressed, wrap the present and drive herself to the birthday party. I shouldn’t have come – I should have said I was sick or something, Elenor keeps thinking to herself ever since she stepped through the door wearing a floral dress and her best fake smile.

Now standing against a table in an isolated corner of the room, Elenor watches as the other guests – some of them her own friends – move around the room, catching up with each other and laughing whilst carefree wine glasses dangle in their hands.

That used to be me thinks Elenor as she accepts a sugary slice of colourful cake sprinkled with edible confetti. Christ, even the cake is happy. “Thank you so much!”, Elenor says in a tone so high it sounds more shrill than chipper. And, after noticing the cake lady eyeing her, she rather forcefully stabs a piece with her force and eats it. “Mhhhhmmm…” she declares, making sure the cake lady hears her; I hate myself is all she thinks as she does this. The cake lady continues to stare.

Elenor moves away from the and finds herself standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. After picking at her cake for a while and observing the guests around her, the air around her suddenly begins to thicken. Elenor lets her right hand – the one with the fork – drop next to her side.

A high-pitched laugh erupts and Elenor turns in its direction. Blinking back at her are several pairs of eyes. They are looking at me. Why are they looking at me? Are they talking about me? As the music subdues into the background, she nervously fidgets with the clasp of her handbag. She turns away from the snickering group, only to be confronted by more sly looks. Her eyes dart around, from face to face.

The world begins to spin and Elenor finds herself rooted in her spot, unable to move. A dizzy state overcomes her, presses her down, down, down, into a hole perfectly designed to fit her, burying her whole. She struggles to breath. She tries to think but her thoughts have faded into an inaudible ramble she can’t keep up with. All she knows is that everyone is looking at her, judging her, laughing at her.

What feels like an endless amount of minutes go by. After a while, Elenor leans into her breathing, willing the nightmare to stop, focusing solely on the ins and outs. All of a sudden a sharp pain emerges and she looks down to see her fork tightly pressed against her thigh. Bewildered she stares at this image for a while, uncertain of what to do. Shakily she lays the fork onto her plate, moves to the outside patio and sets it down on a small side table between two lounge chairs.

She sinks down onto one of the lounge chairs and gasps for breath, inhaling the icy winter air until her breathing slowly eases. Absentmindedly she traces the uneven skin on her thigh – the only remnant mark of what had just occurred – with her numb fingers.

A reflection catches her eye and she peers through the glass doors into the big room once more. A friend of hers catches her eye and enthusiastically waves her over. Elenor looks at her own reflection in the glass – it stares back at her, as if daring her to do what she dreads above all.

Sighs, gets up, musters up all the courage she has, picks up her fallen smile from the floor and steps back into the room.

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Thank you for reading 🤍

This short story has been sitting in my drafts for years. I never felt confident enough to publish it because it clashed with my usual content. But alas – this new version of me, STICKY SITUATION risen from the dead, will not limit herself in that way anymore.

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