Identity, Musings

Welcome to my personal hell / the education diary (5)

by stickysituation

Hiya friends of the Internet!

Sooo, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these life updates, aka The Education Diary, and a lot has happened since the last entry so I thought it was time to spill. So make yourself some popcorn and sit back because this story is about to be one hell of a ride.

January has been what I like to refer to as HELL. So many exams and deadlines, so many things to think about. Which made it even more exciting when a few people from uni and I decided to go to a semester closing party. Little did I know that that night would set a whole chain of events into action. But let’s start at the beginning, shall we? I was looking forward to going out as it would be the first time I went out with K and L. We all met up to pregame beforehand and then went to a bar near by. When we got there, it was nearly empty. But to our relief the place filled up pretty quickly after we arrived. Now here’s where the whole story starts you see, good old alcohol making sure I behaved like an absolute fool (while loving every single second of it).

There were a lot of shots, dancing and singing, if you can even call it that. And, as the night quickly progressed I found myself in the arms of a handsome policeman named David. Just kidding, I actually can’t remember if he was handsome or not, at this point I am actually surprised I can even remember his name. Honestly, I’m not even sure his name was David, but lets roll with it. This is where things get blurry. I have no idea if I actually exchanged more than two words with the guy but oh well. It was your typical “do you wanna get out of here? – oh okay, suit yourself then, bye”-type of conversation.

Only he didn’t leave. He actually came back to the dance floor and just stared at me from a distance. At one point we made out again (hey, don’t judge my intoxicated self) which proved to be a big mistake on my part. Now I don’t know what is acceptable club etiquette but this guy was touchy. And by touchy I mean reeeeal touchy feely. The sad thing is that as a girl, I have already gotten used to this kind of behavior. It’s like I even expect that at some point a random guy will grab my front or behind. To be completely frank, I’m at a point where I’m not even shocked anymore when something like that occurs. And I wish I could tell you it only happens once in a while. NO, I’m talking about 4/5 times. And I know, I know, I was kissing him too, which he probably interpreted as a green light to do whatever he wanted. But when I very firmly stated he should stop his response was something along the lines of “You know you like it”. When did I ever give him my consent? I pushed past him and went straight to the ladies room, never to see him again (THANK GOD).

Also quick sidenote, but also kind of relevant – don’t you just love the support in a girl’s bathroom? I must have gone to the bathroom like ten times that night and honestly, female strangers can be so supportive of one another. It’s actually heart-warming to see. Do I need to know about that time your ex cheated on you while you were doing a semester abroad? No, not really. But if you need a tampon, now that is something I can help you with, girl.

Okay back to my chaotic self hitting up the dance floor again screaming who knows which lyrics to what song. All I know is that I was feeling alive and free, dancing with friends, not letting my whole experience so far get me down. We shook our bodies until 4am. A few other things happened, but I’ll spare you the details (mostly out of shame). Ah, aren’t you just loving this post already?! I know, it must be so entertaining to hear about my “wild party life”. Jk, what life? Lol.

I got home, stuffed a sandwich into my system (what is it with alcohol and cravings?) and went to sleep. The next day was a very eventful one – I had a presentation in the late afternoon and before that was visiting a media company. Surprisingly I wasn’t hung over, just a little dehydrated and tired. I got to the media company and we started a 1 ½ hour tour of the whole thing. We eventually reached a film studio and by that point, I knew something was up. As the time ticked by I suddenly was in a state of total unease. It was like everything was in slow motion. All of a sudden I felt dizzy and grabbed L’s arm in an attempt to steady myself. “Ugh, I don’t feel so well” was all I could muster up to say. She told me to drink some water and as I was reaching into my bag for the water bottle…. BLACKNESS.

The next thing I can remember is waking up from what felt like an eternity of a dream. I opened my eyes, my ears slowly adjusting to the sound of people talking and… I was on the floor. Only it was like I still hadn’t fully snapped out of that weird dream. K and L were crouching next to me while a group of others had gathered around to see me, the spectacle. K accidentally stepped on my finger and in that moment it was like the bubble burst around me and I became fully aware of the fact that I had just fainted. Apparently I had just tipped to the side and onto the ground I went. People were asking me all of these questions my overwhelmed self couldn’t even begin to process. I think I eventually just asked to go outside for some fresh air.

Now I know what you’re thinking – it was the drinking that caused this whole thing. And partly, it probably was. I was extremely dehydrated, tired and who knows if the alcohol was fully out of my system?! On top of that the room we were in was so stuffy and hot. But I am also prone to dizziness and fainting. I wish I could tell you that this is the first time I fainted on an educational trip but truth is, long before uni I was known as “the girl who faints a lot in public”. True story; I actually once fainted in the shower only to wake up on the wet floor while water was streaming onto my face. I fainted at museums, trips to the hospital, in school…. basically everywhere you could ever imagine.

So there I was, now sitting outside with K and L, breathing in the freezing air, gulping down water and eating smarties like my life depended on it. We rejoined the tour shortly after that and let’s just say, it was pretty awkward when we got back. Every single person was staring at me. What made it worse is that every few seconds someone (even people I had never talked to in my life) would come up and ask me if everything was alright. It was a relief when the tour was finally over. It meant I had an hour break before the big presentation. Something I hadn’t been looking forward to anyway, but the thought of it after the whole incident really made me wish I was still on the floor with my eyes shut. I got back home and just rested before heading over to uni to do some final preparations with my group.

Hey, you still there? Sitting here reading my never-ending rant? It’s almost over, I promise.

The presentation was a disaster. Let’s just say, if I could have chosen another group, I would have gladly done so. You know those group members that just don’t give a shit, so much so that you end up doing 90% of the work? It was one of those groups. Working with them for such a long time was an experience I hope I will never have to go through again. With the presentation being the last step in our big project, I couldn’t wait to get it over with. Now, as a human being, I am in no way always organized. But presentations are something I do like to prep for and take seriously. It became apparent that I had been the only one in my group to take the whole thing seriously. I was MAD. So mad, that I actually ended up asking my professor if I could leave after the presentation, using my earlier fall as an excuse. He kindly allowed me to leave early (I think he saw the flickering rage in my eyes).

I was glad when my parents picked me up with a McFlurry waiting for me in the back seat. My parents seriously are the best. I know, I know, some people don’t like to spend time with their family – but I ain’t one of those people. It’s not like I am particularly close to my parents in a sense where they know everything that’s happening in my personal life (very private person here). But I just like spending time with them. Especially this year has been hard for my Mum I think, with me “leaving the nest” and all. So I’m giving her some extra love, cooking with her, enjoying the winter sun together, binging some shows… that kind of thing. My brother also needs some extra attention right now and watching him grow up to be his own person is so rewarding. I’ve always been close with my brother, we’re more like friends than anything else. After days like this, I am reminded of how much of a safe haven my family is to me and how grateful I am to have such a great support system of family and friends in my life.

If you made it so far, then congratulations, you have officially reached the end of this post! I know this is something a little more in-detail than usual, but I still hope you enjoyed reading. Here’s to hoping you found my embarrassing stunts amusing!

To round off this post, I would like to ask you for your own experiences with fainting and / or sexual harassment in clubs or bars (yikes). I’m sure some of you have some stories of your own. I think especially with the latter it is important that we talk about it, make it part of a conversation we should be having.

Until next time,

Fiona x

*Image credit goes to my amazing friend, K.

31 thoughts on “Welcome to my personal hell / the education diary (5)”

    1. I imagine it must have been pretty uncomfortable to experience something like that especially in a train because you can’t really get off it whenever you please. I’m sorry that happened to you, that must’ve been horrible – and it shows that not only women are affected by sexual harassment. Thanks for sharing your own experience!

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        1. YES, that’s such a good point you brought up here. People generally tend to look the other way as if to say “It doesn’t affect me, so not my problem”. A few times I told someone about harassment I experienced and they were like “well you must have dressed provocatively then”. Regardless of one dresses, one should never be the subject of something like that. It’s not our fault, it’s the person doing the harassing that should be frowned upon. Glad you found a way to escape that creep.

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            1. Exactly! When will people realise that it’s not the victims fault? When will they get it into their heads that it is their responsibility to help the people around them? People have to stick up for one another more.

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  2. Fiona, this is so well written! Some parts made me laugh (in a kind way, I promise), because you write so humorously, and so genuinely too. I have so much empathy for your experiences while clubbing – they mirror both mine and my friend group’s to a T! I too have a drunken self who has been known to get with strangers at clubs, and to escape to bathrooms when they don’t seem to understand where I want to draw the line. Once a guy that I was making out with threw a shot glass at me because I said I didn’t want to go home with him. But the club bathrooms, I completely agree with you, they are the best! Everyone is always so supportive and kind, and you can make “best friends” with literally anyone in there even if it’s only for a few minutes. Anyway, I’m sorry that you had a shitty experience clubbing, but good on you for talking about it too! Because all these little conversations and written pieces about women’s experiences with sexual harassment will keep building up, and that’s how positive change will occur. Thank-you for sharing this lovely, it’s a fantastic piece, including the parts about fainting and group projects and family. And I’m glad that at least your group project presentation is over and done with now! Hope you are having a fab day today ❤

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    1. Aaahhh Kaitlyn thank you so much for saying so many nice things. I am truly flattered and happy that you enjoyed reading! And about that guy with the shot glass – UUUMMM WHAT?! What an asshole! *balls fists in anger* I am genuinely sorry that this happened to you, that and so many other experiences it seems like you’ve also had. It’s incredible how normalised behavior like this is. But nowadays, it’s just something that comes with the territory (as horrible as that sounds).

      And I agree, the first step in the direction of change is to acknowledge that THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM, one that affects both women and men in their daily lives. It always saddens me to hear about other people’s experiences – just shows how many people really are affected by this. Thank you for sharing your perspective! Wishing you the best of days also xx

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  3. I loved this post so, so much. Your writing is so incredible and the way you narrated the whole story made me want it to never end.
    I’m literally obsessed with your blog right now. I keep on refreshing this page whenever I’m on my phone, just to see if you’ve posted something.
    I think you should know your writing makes a lot of people really happy – obviously including me!
    Thank you for being such a ray of sunshine for me. I don’t really have any experiences with either of those things, so I’ll just wrap up my comment here 🙂

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    1. Gosh, this is making me blush! Genuinely, thank you so much for your flattering words, it means a lot that people enjoy the content I put out. I am at a loss for words right now, just know that this made my day! I am truly grateful for your support and love, thanks again! 😊

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  4. I have never fainted before, though there was one time I almost did. It was during my college days. I had gotten into a pattern of sleeping poorly and eating close to nothing for breakfast because my appetite just wasn’t there. 😦 I would also skip lunch and not eat a thing at school. At the time I had a very intense aversion to eating in public. You could say it was a phobia, maybe, since I was even too scared to go to the vending machine and put money into it to select a granola bar or something to nourish myself. On the subway ride home, I started to see pinpricks of white and black dots in my vision. My whole body felt like a thousand pounds. If not for the pole I was holding onto, I think I might have collapsed on the ground. Soon the dots covered my whole vision and I went temporarily blind for at least a few minutes. It was the most terrifying experience of my life!

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    1. Oh god, that sounds absolutely terrible! Did you get home okay? And I must admit that uni makes me forget to eat sometimes too. Especially when there’s a lot going on I just tend to think about other things rather than life essentials. And I also HATE it when people watch me eat. It just makes me so uncomfortable for some reason. I actually had a similar experience to yours, with losing vision for a few minutes. I had my first panic attack ever (It just came out of nowhere one day when I was walking back from school) and everything just went pitch black. But I was still conscious, still walking – I’m surprised I even got home in one piece. It’s a jarring thing to go through, I’m sorry you have!

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      1. Yep, I got home all right. I was almost at my stop when the dots reappeared in my vision while my sight was still completely dark. They multiplied until I was able to see again. It was freaky as heck. I managed to sit down and take a swig of the last bit of water I had with me. I never want to experience loss of vision ever again. So scary!

        I agree, being watched while eating is seriously painful to endure. I still don’t like eating foods in public if they have a fragrant aroma or if it’s really crunchy because it attracts attention. Even eating ice cream one time was frightening lol. I did enjoy my dessert but it had a lot of color and sprinkles in it so onlookers were staring as they walked past me.

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        1. I’m glad you got home alright. I hope that never happens to you again! And about the eating phobia – YES! I think the worst place to eat in public is probably on public transportation, like a train or subway. People don’t really have anything to do except stare at their phones and at each other. Ate on a train once, never doing it again.

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  5. I’ve fainted twice – once I was working an opening shift at Tim Horton when I was 16. I had this really sharp pain on my stomach, then blurry vision and the next thing I know I was laying on my back on the concrete floor apparently I had hit my head off the counter AND the toaster on the way down – at 6am during our morning rush. I had to go to the hospital.

    The 2nd time I was getting a tattoo and just didn’t eat close enough to the time. My body went into shock and when I tried to stand up to lay down, I saw stars and fell. Had a nice lump on my head from where I smashed it on the wall and floor.

    Pleasant memories…

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    1. A TOASTER? Damn. That fall must have hurt quite a bit. I’m actually getting my first tattoo soon and I’m pretty nervous about it! I once fainted at the hairdressers so I’m praying that I won’t make a fool of myself lol. I find a lot of fainting stories to be pretty funny in hindsight (almost everyone I know has at least one bizarre story) but when it happens it’s just awful.

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      1. Lol yeah…it wasn’t the best idea for a work place.

        Tips for your first tattoo: eat about an hour before. Like EAT. Make sure its a good meal. Your body might go into shock depending on how long it takes. Thats why I fainted. Take a bottle of orange juice and some cookies with you and eat immediately after. If you need a break half way through, ask for one. Artists understand 😊 and you can always ask to lay down on the bench if you need to as well 😉

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  6. This was so interesting to read! Life where I live, is totally different from what you’ve defined here and that just makes it THAT much more entertaining to read.

    Have a nice day 💖

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      1. Omg I totally didn’t mean it that way, I meant the way the whole partying w/ friends and presentation things are there. It’s just so so different out here.

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          1. I don’t know actually, (here, ladies and gentlemen, is where I try to explain something I know negligible about).

            Everything’s kinda different. We have school from 8 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon. Usually, teenagers have 2-3 hours of extra classes after that. (Which is not authorized by the school).

            And I mean, we spend our weekends with families. Even the people living alone kinda come back home for a traditional dinner together? And then, we don’t presentations to work on.

            We’re graded on knowledge and science practicals are the most close to any “presentation” we might have. And the whole “guy” part is kinda of not much attention as if someone wants to do something like that they do, if not then it’s still cool.

            I hope this made sense, lmao I don’t know. I’m saying on the basis of what I’ve always known and seen.

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            1. Even uni is so long everyday? Wow. Damn that sounds like a lot of work. My university relies on very practical methods, meaning we don’t simply have an exam and then that’s it, we forget about it, but instead we actually get to use the knowledge we’ve acquired through different projects, presentations (we have them because they mean you are also improving on your communication, social skills and the way you present yourself and imformation) essays, software… There’s a lot of diversity when it comes to my workload which is what I like so much about my education at the moment. And I study something in the creative field, so I don’t really need science as much anymore. I do have mathematics and statistics but that’s about it. But this is just my own experience, it varies a lot from university to university and the subject of your studies. But thanks for sharing, it’s always fascinating to hear about the differences in culture and society around the world!

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            2. Yeah, the science part was just for reference to practicals. Uni actually could go on for at least 5 hours where I am, considered one lecture could be 2 hours itself.

              I don’t know much about uni, as I’m not there yet but about I can assure you about high school though. It’s glad you enjoy your studies, I enjoy mine too but it can be a bit of pressure sometimes.

              Also, I’m very excited for UNTAMED, when is it launching?

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            3. We’ve pushed that deadline waaay back but it’s all in the works! 😊 I’ll keep you updated via Instagram. We’ve just had a few hold-ups and bumps along the way, problems that need fixing but we’re definitely on it! We’re using the extra time to also generate a little awareness regarding the magazine via social media (mainly instagram, our account launched yesterday). I really appreciate you being so patient and understanding and of course for being a part of UNTAMED in the first place!

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  7. Damn girl this was a rollercoaster! I’m glad you’re prone to fainting (I know that sounds odd, but my mind went to you’d been drugged and it was some weird delayed reaction or you were deathly allergic to something, so fainting was a nice relief) . . . and oh my god YES. Clubbing is essentially me just repressing the urge to punch people and getting drunk LOL x

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    1. Oh my god, that would have been scary. In that case I’m quite glad too. 😂And YES to what you said about clubbing. In general I am very tolerant but in clubs I just start to HATE people, humanity even (unless I’m drunk soooo…) – with some people I’m just like wtf? Are you brain-dead? Lol. xx

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  8. Pingback: Boom. I’m back. / the education diary (6) – Questions From A Teenager

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