*Image credit goes to thi.de on Instagram, who kindly lets me use his illustrations for this blog.
Now typically I refrain from sharing too much information about my private life on here, just because I’d like to maintain some privacy. But now as I am sitting here on my too small (but surprisingly comfortable) bed I have decided to give this whole thing a shot. After all, it is just like writing down my thoughts to any old topic, so why am I so hung up on discussing love?
Now, I am not sure hooking up classifies as love specifically – I like to think of it as its own category. But it sure is one I can talk about for days. My generation typically has a strong peak in the category of casual relationships / sex. We, with our live in the moment mentality, reminding ourselves constantly that this is the time to say yes to everything – that this is the time to be alive. So what’s the intrigue when it comes to one night stands or friends with benefits?
For the majority of men, this should be an easy one to answer. A relationship purely based on the physical, no responsibilities, no commitment, having the same freedoms you did when you were single (which you technically still are) can definitely be alluring and doesn’t hold the title every man’s dream without reason. Skip dinner and straight to dessert; at least that is what it seems like these days. A vast amount of guys I meet are looking for exactly that and honestly, I can’t blame them (as much as I hate it at times). In comparison to the giant jigsaw puzzle called relationships, a night (or a few) without complications doesn’t really sound that bad, does it?
But why do women commit to these non-commitment relationships all the time? Some just “fall” into them while others choose them consciously and then of course there is the horrible (but common) reason of just doing it for the sake of it – a been there, done that – type of situation. And I think that although it might not seem like it, this last reason is the most wide-spread. I am guilty of doing it along with many other questionable things purely for the chance to say that I had experienced it and while some instances pushed me out of my comfort zone for the better, others are choices I live to regret.
Let’s circle back to the saying yes to everything – mentality. It really only is a fancy expression for putting pressure on others and yourself. I am all for trying out something fresh but you can take that whole charade too far. Doing things simply because if not now then when? is typically the wrong way to go. We are all blinded by our fear of missing out but doing things because “if you don’t you might regret it later” almost always lead to irrational (and pretty stupid) choices. There is no hurry to experience a bundle of things before a certain age! WE and only we place that time limit on ourselves and why? It results in a competition that you can never win because there will always be someone who has done something even more outrageous than you.
Trying to live up to these societal standards and deadlines is pointless. I have known a lot of people who simply went out and lost their virginity to get it over with. That is such a sad reason. The pressure is everywhere; If you’ve had sex then you’re a slut and if you haven’t then you’re a prude. When will we stop to realise that this pressure we generate ourselves is pushing us and others to make decisions they may not be ready to make?
I have come to the conclusion that relationships where the lines are blurry are kind of the norm in my age group. Being in a relationship without a label is the most confusing experience ever. It would be a lot easier on both parties to just be straight forward about what exactly they are getting themselves into and where they envision it going. If they are up front from the get-go I often find myself playing along even though I know in the back of my mind that it will never amount to anything more than simply hooking up. While I am fine with that most of the time, there have been those instances where I still found myself hoping (and being disappointed in the end).
The thing about hook-ups is that for me, they sometimes are a way of proving to myself that I am this strong person who doesn’t need a boyfriend to be happy. But let’s be honest here – it is okay to crave a relationship sometimes, I mean, who doesn’t?
✎ What do you think about these kinds of relationships? ✎
If you would like to read more on this topic, check out my recent article, Falling For Fuckboys!